One of My new drones recently opened My scandalously cruel SLAVE CONTRACT, and since he didn’t have a printer to print it out, I made him write it all out BY HAND, which took him 5 whole pages of notebook paper, LOL. What do you bet he had a serious hand cramp when he was done??!!

Above you will see photos of his signed contract – note that I have censored huge chunks of the close-up image because it’s far too INGENIOUS for the general public to be allowed to read. If you crave the EXQUISITE PLEASURE of reading it, you’ll have to OPEN IT, and then of course, you will be COMMITTED to it in all its DEVIOUS BRILLIANCE! OMG I am SO CLEVER.

Read for yourself our amusing discourse about this!

• ME: you will sign it by hand and photograph it, sending to Me the photo!
• him: I am sorry PRINCESS, but I don’t have a printer. I can buy one later today, since I have been wanting that for some time.
• ME: OH NO YOU CANT. you cant buy anything for yourself. SO THEN, you will write the entire contract out by hand, and then sign your name and photograph it. DO THIS NOW!
• him: I will get right on it PRINCESS. Do you mean just the last lines printed in black, or also all the lines in pink?
• ME: THE WHOLE CONTRACT.. pink AND black!

Meanwhile on TWITTER:

Capitalistic Blonde: LMAO MONEY IDIOT doesn’t have a printer, so I’m making him write out My ENTIRE SLAVE CONTRACT by hand so he can sign it! LOL (it’s LENGTHY!)
Capitalistic Blonde: NO printer for you.. NO sweater for you.. NO lunch for you = MORE MINK FOR ME!

• him: Dear PRINCESS. I am writing, but it takes a lot of time. I think it is good, because then i can better absorb YOUR divine thoughts and wishes PRINCESS. Now i have listened to this amazing recording again (PLANTATION PRINCESS). It gives me the strength to keep writing the slave contract – almost 3 pages now!
• ME: OMG you are SO FORTUNATE!!!!!!!!!!! NOW, back to your writing task!
• him: Dear PRINCESS. now i have written the whole contract, on 5 pages!, and signed it. Reading the contract over and over, i become very scared to send it to YOU PRINCESS. for instance “stripping your life down to the bare necessities”, does that mean, that i have to sell all my books and cd’s? I wouldn’t like that. On the other hand i do not think that i could live without YOU anymore. Just the wording of the slave contract is so brilliant, that i can not believe it.

It’s comical how he tried to resist.. after spending literally HOURS writing it out by hand! Surely My gorgeously haughty & arrogant demands made him feel  awestruck,  weak, and overwhelmed by the very thought of such visceral SOVEREIGNTY as is My inherent birthright. It is a fact that this innate POWER which I intrinsically possess, turns you into a willing groveling SLAVE at My feet, without so much as the teensiest effort on MY part. I exist, and so you SERVE ME. This IS your destiny as MY indentured servant!

So of course, there was simply no other option than for him to SIGN IT, and he knew this even as he wrote his funny note of attempted resistance. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would receive this:

• Dear PRINCESS. now i have written the whole contract, on 5 pages!, and signed it. here is my signed slave contract – from YOUR idiot

And in later developments, after opening My SLAVE WITHOUT RIGHTS GROCERY LIST:

• him: Dear PRINCESS. Now i have bought [edited] (they had them in my local supermarket. They must have known, that PRINCESS wanted me to buy them), [edited]. Everything the cheapest i could find. I forgot to buy [edited], but i will do that tomorrow, and then eat [edited] for dinner today. Tomorrow my brother has invited me for dinner (he is paying) Is it ok for you that i go PRINCESS?
• ME: As long as HE is paying that is fine!
• him: Thank you very much PRINCESS. You are so generous
• ME: Does your brother have lots of money??
• him: My brother has quite a lot of money yes PRINCESS.. Why do YOU ask PRINCESS
• ME: because he should be MY SLAVE TOO, of course!! you should ask him today to borrow some money from him when he takes you to lunch! This is a GREAT IDEA.. so then he will be MY SLAVE TOO!

LMAO LOVE IT. you see, not only are you born to be MY SLAVE, but by the very fact that you are BORN to be MY SLAVE, so are your own relations also meant to be slaves to Me also.. this only makes sense. Whether wittingly or unwittingly, it is part of YOUR heritage as MY MINION to kneel at MY feet presenting offerings of gifts procured from your people to be bestowed upon ME!

Open My scandalously cruel SLAVE CONTRACT, NOW! Then click the button below to CALL ME LIVE and be prepared to listen carefully while I detail to you what your new life will consist of as MY SLAVE without rights! OMG you can’t wait.. do it NOW.
1-800-863-5478 ext: 0185723